Are we cutting our ‘Independent Woman’ noses off to spite our faces?

Ladies, I’m going to ask you the same question that I asked my friends yesterday and I want you to think about it.

Do you ‘pick and choose’ when to be girlie and when to be an independent woman?

We live in a world where women are told on a daily basis that they should be strong and independent,  looking after themselves and not relying on a man.  Advertising tells us every day in a very patronising way that we are just as capable to run a company, drive a car and do DIY as men and that we should be shouting about it and celebrating it as often as we can, pink handles hammer held high in the air (I am rolling my eyes as I write that but it is very true; did you see the Bic pen ad campaign ‘Bic for Her’? Blergh!)

So why is it, if we are all so capable of doing it all ourselves, do we sometimes hide this fact in order to get men to do things for us?

‘I can’t say I’m not guilty of flirting or playing poor Leigh for some free drinks on a night out – but to be honest I don’t see this as acting weak – if anything I am using my ‘feminine wiles’ to my advantage – not my fault men are stupid enough to fall for it!’

In war, using the oppositions weaknesses to your advantage is a strategy, which is what it seems Leigh, and most of my other friends seem to be doing.  But is it a strategy that is also cutting our ‘Independent Woman’ noses off to spite our faces?  By picking and choosing when to appear weaker for our own gain, are we adding to the male perception that we are, in fact, the weaker sex? Or are we just cleverly applying strategy to get ahead and winning?

My male friend, Dave said he likes it when his girlfriend needs him.

‘Naomi is a strong woman, she works and she tells me straight about everything which is why I love her, but sometimes, it is nice to still feel needed by her.  It’s not a superiority thing, I don’t ‘get one up’ on her, but as a man in a world full of girls shouting about how they don’t need us, as a man, the times that women make us feel worthwhile are becoming fewer and farther between’

Every guy I have spoken too says pretty much the same thing, and added to that, they just want a quiet life.  There doesn’t seem to be a hint of warrior in them, they don’t seem to be fighting us.  So why are we fighting them?  The conversation yesterday between my friends teetered on a very fine line of thinking men are stupid and inferior to us now, and still seeing it as a priority to have them in their lives.  We all seem to be a little confused over what it is we think being an independent woman actually means and I can’t blame them for that at all.  Every day we are told by one media wave that we don’t need men, that we should be heard as a sex and that we will never be ‘stamped down’, and in another, we are bombarded by chick flicks about finding love, dating websites and images of the ideal man.

I agree that women should fight for equal rights, equal pay and equal respect…….but not if in the process, we accidentally tip the scales and start doing exactly what it is that we are mad at men about….making one of the sexes weaker than the other.

I would love to hear your opinion, whether you are a man or a woman, so please feel free to comment!!


4 thoughts on “Are we cutting our ‘Independent Woman’ noses off to spite our faces?

  1. I absolutely pick and choose, specifically because sometimes men NEED to be wanted. I play damsel in distress at times just so my hubs knows I need him for things (well not really, but you get my drift).

  2. I’m pretty sure most women know they don’t ‘need’ a man, but the straight selection certainly more often than not ‘want’ a man. You can live without affection and all that jazz, but it is nice to have it.

    I have asked men to do things for me, obviously. I might be a smart, educated, independant and competant (sp?!) woman, I know how to do a few things. But sometimes I’m not strong enough to take the locking wheel nut off before changing a tyre, I don’t trust myself re-wiring electricals and I’m afraid I don’t know a damn thing about my car engine. Will I learn all this stuff? Probably not. So I will at some point need someone to help me out with these things. Will it be a man? Not necessarily!

    By the same token, men need help with stuff as well, from others. Is it weak to ask for help? I don’t like to ask for help because I’m all for the independant woman jazz, but every once in a while, I need to ask for help.

    TLDR: There should be a distinction made between want/need when it comes to relationships. Everyone needs help with stuff sometimes, that person doesn’t necessarily have to be a man/boyfriend.

  3. For a long time I struggled in the dating scene because I was so scared of seeming vulnerable. I was so busy shouting I DON’T NEED YOU from every pore of my being that I didn’t think that this was putting men off. And I don’t blame them for it. Although my boyfriend now knows that I don’t NEED him in my life, he also knows that I am a woman with emotional needs and he is over-joyed to help me with those. I think I was scared to let a man think that I could ever require their help for anything? We all need people – male or female alike, romantic or otherwise.

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