We all have one thing in common. No matter who we are, what we do or where we live, all we want ultimately is to love and be loved in return. It is one of the most basic needs of all humans and in one way or another we all have it.
Whether its paternal love, sibling love, the love of friends or even the guy in the coffee shop that has loved you for years without you knowing; all of us have it. What we also have, it seems, is a lot of heartache, arguments and miscommunications when it comes to this ‘love’ we talk of.
The media shows love as the same. Boy meets girl (or boy, or girl for that matter) their eyes meet, there is usually one hurdle, but then they get over that and are happy forever. That, I have found, is not how it is in real life.
The biggest thing that I struggled with throughout my past relationships is expecting love to be one thing and finding out that the reality is something very different. When I am in love, I give them everything. They are my world, I will walk over coals, have their back against anyone and anything and there is no one more important or more of a priority then they are to me.
The thing is, and this is big, this changed my whole outlook on relationships so listen up; not everyone loves like I do.
Not to say that they don’t still love in equal amounts, they just don’t show that love in the same way. Countless arguments about texts not being replied too at the same speed as I do. Other things taking priority ‘over me’. Levels of affection not being the same so jumping to conclusions that the other person doesn’t love you the same amount……..what a silly one that is; how can we ever know or even measure a degree of love?
There is no way of truly knowing how much another person loves you and you cannot ever say that you loved them more or less based on a persons actions or inaction differing from your idea of what loving someone should look like.
I know my boyfriend loves me. He shows me in his own little ways every single day. Those little ways are not always the same as mine but they are his ways and it took me a really long time to realise that just because the way he shows love is different to mine, it is still love. This little epiphany has changed the way I feel about our whole relationship and when I said it to him the other day, his face lit up and I saw that he too saw complete and utter sense in what I was saying.
It is also the reason that you should never compare your relationship to someone else’s. They do not love the same as you and your partner love each other,because even you and your partner don’t love the same but it is still love in all it’s brilliance.
I think when you can accept that love is not a template that you and your partner need to somehow mold yourselves to fit; that love is actually a tangible, ever changing, emotion that is expressed in as many different ways as there are people feeling it, and you take the time to learn the specific ways that your partner expresses that love, you both become free to experience that persons love without setting limits on each other based on what you have always been told it should be.
I think many relationships have ended because two people are unable to be with someone that doesn’t love how they do so they believe it to be wrong or not even love at all;that it was fake, or a game or all lies.
The reality is that if you feel love, then it is love….it just may not look how you thought it should.
We need to stop thinking that love is fixed. That just because a person doesn’t replicate your romantic actions, or express their feelings in the same way as you that they don’t love you. They probably do, I mean why wouldn’t they?
You just have to look at music and the sheer amount of love songs or heartbroken lyrics to see just how diverse this thing we call ‘love’ is……if it wasn’t then all love songs would be the same. Love is like everything else in this life; completely open to interpretation; we all just need to learn how to read and interpret it on a singular basis, rather than collectively.
Take each person declaration of love and look for how they choose to show it, accept that that is their way and appreciate it for what it is…..they are the only person that does it in that way and to me, that makes it all the more special and unique and worth having.