Age Gap Relationships; Why is it different when the woman is older?

I am in an age gap relationship.

There is a massive eight years between me and my partner and the majority of the time, it is not an issue.  For us,  It’s one of the best things about our relationship and I believe, why we are still going strong nearly 3 years into our relationship.

I bet that when you read about the age gap, you automatically presumed that my boyfriend was the older one.  That I had some kind of sugar daddy in my life.  I bet you think my boyfriend is middle aged, with slightly grey hair and that I was the younger woman.

You would be wrong.  I am the older one in this relationship and when you tell people this, you can expect a few reactions.

“Well done you, you total cougar!”

“Oooh! Toyboy you randy old bitch”

and my personal favourite;

“How did you manage that?” 

like it is some kind of achievement that an older woman, even though I am only 30, still has the ability to be attractive to anyone younger than her.

There are also the ever so judgmental opinions regarding my fertility, his maturity level and our future; all of which are usually completely wrong and in fact, quite insulting to both of us.  That somehow, a 22 year old man will not be mature enough to satisfy the mental needs of an older woman, or that I will be forgoing my chance to have children, or worse, forcing him into early fatherhood, just to satisfy my ticking biological clock.

What always winds me up the most is if my boyfriend was the older one, none of these judgements would be made.  At all.

No one worries that a man won’t get to have children because his just-out-of-adolesence girlfriend hasn’t finished going clubbing yet.

There is no word for the male equivalent of the cougar.  It is just accepted that the man being older is normal.  History is full of it.  Older, wealthier men having younger brides are strewn across all ages and all continents; mostly to do with fertility and having enough time to pro-create a son.

But in this day and age, why is still shocking for people to find out that you are older than your male partner?

When my relationship with my boyfriend started, it did cross my mind a few times, in the early days that maybe the age gap would be a problem so I went to speak to my sister.  her advice was swift

“Me and Mike don’t ever sit about congratulating each other on being the same age. It has never come up in conversation in any part of our marriage”

And she is right.  How many times have you even thought about your and your partners age at any point in your relationships?

Surely, if you are both happy and the dynamics work for you, then age is irrelevant?

I’ve said this before; I am not interested in having kids and have taken a wooden ACME mallet to my biological clock a long time ago, however, say I changed my mind and suddenly wanted a baby. Would our ages be under scrutiny from within our relationship?

Yes, probably, but no more than any other.  You can be 40 and still not feel that you have done enough with your own life to feel ready enough to create another.  Some people make the decision to become parents at 19 and younger and love every minute of it.

In a world where no two people are the same and there are more conflicting opinions floating about than there are stars in the sky, isn’t it time that we took the traditional ideas of what a relationship should be and blow it to pieces?

For me, love, happiness and support are the main things that I look for in a relationship and, even at 22 years old, my boyfriend has shown me these in bucket loads.  His maturity and level headed attitude amazes me every day that we’re together and he is my rock in every way.

And he has taught me just as much about the world we live in as I have him.  We challenge each other, support each other and have each others backs over anything and anyone and if that is what you get by being a ‘cougar’ then bring it on!

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20 thoughts on “Age Gap Relationships; Why is it different when the woman is older?

  1. My husband and I are essentially the same age, he is a couple months older, and was a year above me in school. I do not really see how that matters though. I agree with you that when it comes to a relationship so long as you have the love, happiness and support you need… than what else is there!?

  2. Amen sista !!
    Ughhhh I’m always yelling at the tv in scenarios like this “if those roles were reversed you wouldn’t even comment!!!!!” “If that was a man you wouldn’t be judging his outfit!!!!!”
    Lololol
    It’s so annoying!!
    I will proudly say I’m 2 months older than my husband!! Cougar time baby, rawr 😉

  3. I always love reading your posts. I appreciate your brutal honesty. Age really is just a number, I have seen people in their 40’s act more immature than my preschooler and people in there 20’s accomplishing so much it makes me feel like I’m just taking up space. You are absolutely right, if it were a man dating a younger woman, no one would bat an eye.

    1. Aww thank you Yanique! Lovely to hear that you enjoy my blogs 🙂 ❤

      There are so many times that I'll be immature and he will put me in my place you would think he was older than me!

      The older I get the more I realise that age doesn't matter and it is all about what you do with it that matters!!

  4. Ah Vikki! So glad I found your blog. I too have a boyfriend 8 years and four months my junior. Dare I say he’s often more mature than me. When we first met (and sometimes now, relationship is less than one year old) I was often judged for him being younger and treated as if I had a boy toy. I think the age difference actually brings many positives – I love his enthusiasm and he loves my patience. Cheers!

    1. I’m nearly three years in and still get it all now although we quite lucky as he looks older (he’s really tall and broad’ and I get told I look younger so on sight most people presume we are the same age….getting real tired of having to go through the same conversation every time it comes up in conversation though lol 🙂

      1. I’m hoping I continue to look younger and people assume if anything I’m just a “few” years older than my handsome prince. We are 37/29. Scandalous! And yes when people are surprised, I ask “Well why wouldn’t I date him? Because I need someone to marry me and impregnate me immediately I suppose?” You get it…

      2. Haha I totally get it! I hate the ‘well done’ like its an achievement in my life. He isn’t a prize I got for ‘still being hot’ at my age, he is a person that I fell in love with as he is amazing, not because he is young and full of healthy sperm…..

  5. “Randy old bitch”…you just gave me so much life…I love it! My husband is my same age by chance, it wasn’t a prerequisite when we started dating. Get a grip, people! And mind your business!

  6. It’s all about how you are together….age doesn’t matter at all and people who judge should remember that (not that they do).

    It’s all about balance! His physical age may be older but my mental age outweighs his so we balance each other out nicely!

    Looking at you together you’d never guess an age gap either way.

    It’s good that you are happy 🙂

    B x

  7. I noticed that too when my brother married an older woman and it seemed different for everyone else. They received so many comments and looks and it just infuriated me – they did eventually divorce but for other reasons.

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