Self Sabotage; Why are we our own worst enemy?

Scrolling through Facebook this morning, one thing seemed very apparent; a lot of my friends are feeling a Monday morning slump.

Whether it’s because half term is over and the school run begins again, or it’s a fitness motivation issue or even just because it’s Monday and the weekend has gone, everyone seems to be a little negative.

One stood out for me though:

“Today I am back to doing my 5/2 now the kids are back at school. However this morning it is only 8:40 and I am already saying to myself ‘you aren’t going to be able to do this today'”

Laid out bare for all to see; exactly what we are all thinking at one point or another.  That little self doubting, negative voice saying you can’t do it or you’re not good enough or even worse, you don’t deserve it.

It got me thinking, why do we seem to be programmed to self sabotage in this way?

Why is the one person you should believe in more than anything (that’s you by the way) being subjected to negativity from within and where does it come from?

Growing up,  I was told I could do and be anything I wanted to be.  Work hard, do what you have to to make it happen but the underlying message was if I wanted it enough and worked hard for it, I could be it or have it.  No one could stand in my way!

There was no negativity from my Mum directed towards me.  I was told being a woman was something to be proud of, that skin colour should not be used to judged and that no matter what weight I was, I was a person deserving of love.  What mattered about who I was and what I wanted in life came from within.

So why then, am I just as guilty as my friend for having that little voice that says ‘Actually, there’s loads in your way and you will probably still fail’ ?

I have found lately that that voice has been shouted down by a more forceful, positive one that I have created  but the fact remains that I shouldn’t have to have this internal battle with myself.

I read a quote the other day that said

‘You are the only person standing in your way…So MOVE’

And it couldn’t be more right.  The BEST thing that we need to remember is that WE control the voices inside our head, so if we stop allowing them to speak, they go away.

You want to lose weight? Silence that voice that says you can’t run that extra distance or resist that donut, because the fact of the matter is, you can.  You are more than capable and are in full control of your body and your mind and what it does.

Want to change career? Shout over that voice that says you’re too old or would never be able to pass those exams because these days, age really is just a number and if you want it enough, you can achieve anything!

In a relationship that you wish you could walk away from?  Do it.  I did and my life has gone from mediocre and ill-fitting to the best possible version I could ask for.  Life has a habit of carrying on regardless, so even if the initial process is scary as hell, it has a way of becoming great again and there is very little when you really think about it that you cannot recover from.

Whatever it is that you want to do or become or see or feel, my point is this:

You CAN do it.  That voice is just the fear of failure and if you refuse to fail then it becomes irrelevant.

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3 thoughts on “Self Sabotage; Why are we our own worst enemy?

  1. Wise words, everyone needs a reminder of this sometimes. I tend to go in cycles of excessive motivation then slumping into a rut of self loathing. Or concentrate really hard on one area of my life and ignore the rest…it’s a battle trying to get everywhere you want to be all at once!

  2. I’ll be honest, I read this right after eating a (healthy) cookie. =) I’m trying to get more fit and lose some weight and it’s SO hard to resist eating all the time. There have been a few times during my workout that I’ve wanted to stop because it’s “too hard”, but I push myself to make it through. You’re right, it’s all about our attitude and how we look at ourselves.

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